


Haunted by Regrets

by creepy_shetan



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Arguing, Community: comment_fic, Established Relationship, Headcanon, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 05:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1733156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creepy_shetan/pseuds/creepy_shetan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last time Tom saw Lucas before Lucas went to Russia.</p><p>(Originally posted 2010/3/7 as a fill for a prompt.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted by Regrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunsetdawn20](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetdawn20/gifts).



They had been in a good place, together for a little over a year. One of them had even mentioned possibly sharing a flat. (Tom remembered Lucas suddenly sharing the idea after telling one of his random bits of trivia as a strange lead-in metaphor.)

Harry was against it all (of course) when he found out (two months in), but was hardly surprised; gradually he gave up his argument. Malcolm was the only other person at Section D who knew. Tom and Lucas were very discreet, each already experts in keeping their private affairs private. After all, they would only steal a kiss or a touch when no one else was around, and they had only once snogged in an empty conference room.

Tom had hoped they would be able to do that again, that it wouldn't be just a one-time thing, but then _that day_ on the job came and screwed everything up too quickly and too easily.

They had been neck-deep in the middle of an assignment, and the stress was getting to everyone. They somehow managed to keep it together in front of the team, but once they left the Grid and were at Tom's place, things got bad -- unbearable, even. It rapidly escalated into one of their biggest fights, both saying plenty of words they didn't mean in the slightest but were still painful for each to hear from the other. Thankfully, they were so exhausted that it didn't last long; both ran out of steam at the same time, the room abruptly falling silent.

Then, Lucas shook his head to himself and looked back up at Tom, trying to catch his eyes.

"Let's stop and forget about all of this. I don't want to go back there tomorrow with this stuck in between us."

Tom sighed, but said nothing. He was still mentally digesting that last outburst in the back of his mind.

Lucas slowly tried to make physical contact with Tom's arm, but even through the layers of clothing he felt the younger man flinch. He frowned.

"Hey."

Tom's gaze remained focused on a point across the room.

"I'm sorry."

Clear. Concise. Sincere. No hesitation. But not easy.

Lucas’ hand rubbed Tom's shoulder, but there was no acknowledgment except a slow working of Tom's jaw.

He had wanted to say it back. He _really_ did.

"...W-we need to rest up for tomorrow."

But such little words made rather large lumps in his throat.

Lucas paused, then pulled away. Tom almost reached out to him, to clutch at any part of him, but his body refused to move. Frozen in place, his mouth unable to communicate anything useful, all Tom could do was watch.

Lucas' back was turned to him as he calmly (but stiffly) picked up his coat, put it on, and walked to the front door. Before opening it, he said only a handful more words in the exact same manner as the last couple.

"Don't worry. I still love you."

And then he was gone.

By the time Tom had snapped out of his daze and dashed from the flat without his own coat, there was no sign of Lucas anywhere. A steady stream of muttered curses flew out of his mouth, partially due to the cold but mostly due to his own stupidity. He slowly climbed back up the stairs and opened his (unlocked) door and fell onto the couch with his head in his hands.

Later, he dragged himself over to the side-table phone and dialed Lucas' number. No answer. He waited a few more minutes and tried again. Still no answer. The older man _must_ have been home by then.

It would just have to wait until the morning. Tom would grab Lucas right as he stepped into the Grid and pull him aside to an empty room somewhere -- hell, an empty hallway would do. He had to sort this mess out before work got hectic and their separate duties for the day took up all of their time.

Tom went to bed alone that night not knowing that Lucas would be sent out into the field early the next morning to follow a lead, with no chance for them to get into contact before events would suddenly develop into Lucas needing to catch an immediate flight to Moscow mere hours later.

Tom always knew that in this business the situation can change dramatically in an instant -- but that doesn't mean it can't and won't shock him to the core and leave him utterly devastated in the end. He still thinks of Lucas on those few sleepless nights, still dreams of him every few weeks, still wakes to find a few tears soaked into his pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: Spooks, Lucas/Tom, before Lucas went to Russia they had a fight and Tom never got to apologize  
> The theme: The land before time (prequel/past)  
> Originally posted [here](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/129916.html?thread=28138620#t28138620).  
> I only own the writing.


End file.
